


Love is a Ruthless Game

by Krashlynaf



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: krashlyn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6217504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krashlynaf/pseuds/Krashlynaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashlyn Harris had been bouncing on and off the national team roster for years. When she finally thought she would stay on, the 2016 Olympic Roster did not include her name. After continuously beating herself up about not even being second, but third, she knew she had to make some changes with her career. The one thing standing in the way? The woman she has spent the past 4 years with that was with her through every bump and high of her rollercoaster of a journey. It was now time to make the decision: her career or the love of her life?</p><p> </p><p>**Do not pay attention to any time lines, any teams or any real facts. Just my imagination going off here.**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bitter

     It was around 6:50pm New York time when the United States made every USA fan believe that they were going to win. The USA sealed the game after they got up 3-1 in the 83rd minute. On a cross from Alex Morgan onto the head of Tobin Heath the #1 ranked team in the world confirmed to the world that they were going to claim the gold as their own. I felt the excitement rush through my body. Every player got more and more pep in their step as the time ticked down. The bench was standing, ready to storm the field to hug all the gals that were playing. I almost felt like I was there, like I was about to run out of my seat to go tackle whoever I found first on the field. But, I wasn’t there. I was in New York City at a bar with my best friend Niki, her wife Molly and a few other friends. In an over crowded bar with the game on every channel, people pushed up against each other to try and get a peak at the final minutes. There was definitely other places I would of rather been…for example, Rio. I wasn’t shocked when I did not get the call to the Olympic roster, but it definitely hurt. It hurt like hell watching them play these final minutes too, knowing that a huge celebration was comingtheir way and I would not be apart of it. I lived my Olympic dreams through my girlfriend, Ali who I considered to be the best right back in the world. Her playing time has been on an off but she finally got the start against the most important game in the tournament. It was against her beloved Germany, a place where she lived and played in for years. She spoke the language fluently and knew many of the girls. Jill always tried to use that to her advantage. Although I was watching the game, I was mostly watching her. Everything she did was beautiful, just like her. She had such a dynamic way of playing any defender would drool at her playing ability. Sadly, the olympics and the NWSL league took me away from her. Usually when I was floating around the national team roster, we got to spend so much time together exploring new cities. That was the life. Everything had changed though. I played in Orlando, she was in D.C. She was in Rio about to win a gold medal, and I was getting drunk at a bar. Yet, this was only the beginning of a lot of changes.

     At the 92nd minute of the game, the referees blew their final whistles. That was it. The United States won the gold at the 2016 Summer Olympics. The gals stormed the field as expected, hugging everyone in sight. From what the television showed, Press was crying, Tobin was running around like a lunatic, and there was Ali, kneeling on the field crying. This was the moment she had waited for her whole entire life. The last Olympic games she tore her ACL which denied her any playing ability for the Olympics. It crushed her, but it made her work that much harder and it turned her into the player she is today. I was by her side throughout her time because I had a history of blowing out my knees too, so I know how she felt. That is when everything started to happen between us. The struggle made our connection the strongest. To finally have what she worked so hard for was amazing to see. I wish I was there to congratulate her, to tell her in person in a moment that meant so much to her how amazing she was. But once again, I was not there. I would just have to wait until after all the champagne was popped and they were done celebrating to get the call from her. 

     I’m not sure if it was the alcohol finally sinking in or the pain of watching the team on the podium hoisting the trophy but the celebration took forever. It also hurt like hell. Leaving my eyes consistently on Ali she looked so proud. She held her head up high with the medal hanging down from her neck. Damn, was I lucky to have her. Interviews with Alex and Coach Ellis were going on, while the gals were playing with the gold confetti flying in the air, making snow angels, throwing it at each other, you know the typical adult confetti celebration. I guess I had the look of disappointment on my face again because Niki began to walk my way with two beers in her hand.

     “Don’t worry Ash, you are young. This isn’t the end for you. And you know how much better you are going to get once you go over seas. Remember last time how you came back? Think of that, but double it. Your time will come.” She tried to comfort me.

     “Thanks Nik, I know. It’s just hard you know? I was with them for so much. First the World Cup, staying through training, SheBelieves and then just to have it all end.”

     “Ash, I think you are amazing. And you got a girlfriend who is the world to you that thinks that too. Don’t worry, that is all that matters. Like you said yourself, it’s the type of person you are, not how many caps you have. So just remember you always have that heart of gold and that will not ever change.” Niki handed me a beer then went on a frantic search for her pretty drunk wife who was destroying the dance floor. I tried to chug it as quickly as possible. Maybe if I got so drunk and wouldn’t remember the night, it might of not have actually happened. If only. 

     After a few more beers and a few more hours the crew decided it was finally time to head back to the hotel. I couldn’t be mad at Ali for not calling, because she was probably in a craze with media, finding family and also drinking way too much champagne to call, but it still bummed me. It only took until 3 hours after the final game ended to see my phone light up with her name on the walk back to the hotel.

     “BABE!!!!!! WE WON!!!!” Ali was screaming in the phone. It only took a few words into the hole call to tell from her voice that she was already a bit tipsy.

     “Hello beautiful! I was watching the whole time! I just want to say how proud I am of you. I wish I was there to kiss you right now especially in a moment like this.”

     “I know Ash, believe me you were on my mind while I was on that field. Something felt missing during that celebration. It could not be complete without you I want you to know that.”

     “Thanks boo, I love you. I don’t want to keep you long, thank you for calling and please take a few back from me. You need to celebrate tonight!”

     “You sure Ash? I can stay longer if you want me to.”

     "Yes, Al. Do not worry about me I’m with a few buds and we are just heading back to the hotel. I love you okay, go have fun.

     “I love you too Ash. I can’t wait to see you after this is all over.”

     “Me too, me too. I’ll talk to you later.”

     “Bye Babe.” And just like that she hung up. Left hanging in my head was the fact that Ali would not see me after this was all over. Maybe for a little bit, but not for more than 2 days. I only had a few more days to think of a plan that would somehow break easily on Ali while she was on such a high from winning the gold.I didn’t need to think about this now though, especially if I could not walk straight, that meant she I definitely not think straight.

      It was only 10:45 when we reached the hotel and got into our rooms. We had a suite, all with our own bedrooms. I walked into mine and turned into hysterics. I have had the dream life the past 4 years, traveling all around the world, playing for the national team, but once again it had to come crashing down. I was constantly being forced into decisions I did not want to make. Here I was again, with a choice between my career and the love of my life. Ali consistently made me feel like a queen, but the everyday struggle of never being good enough to get a spot on the roster, or even have some playing time was wearing me down. I was at the point in my life where I had to choose. America was not providing me enough to get me onto the national team. Something had to change. 

     “Hey Ash? You okay in there?” Niki yelled from across the hall.

     “Yeah, I uh, just stubbed my toe. You know. I’m gonna head to bed now so I don’t start to feel the start of throbbing in my head.”

     “Alright, just let me know if you need anything, or water, or bread.”

     “Very funny, Nik. None of that tonight. I need to sleep. Goodnight.”

     “Goodnight pal!”

     I quickly got undressed, pulled on my shark pajamas and crawled into bed. The fact I was drunk and heading into bed this time while the gals were about to pull an all nighter partying did not help either. I decided to send a quick text to Ali.

     “Hey Princess. Amazing job out there tonight. I love you more than words to describe. Have a fun time out there tonight and be safe. I am heading to bed so I don’t put back any more beers. I’m trying to avoid throwing my brains up tonight. Tell the team I saw congrats. Love you :)” I hit send and away the message went. At what time she would get it, and if she would be sober enough to respond was a whole different question.

     It was a long night, and I had to go to sleep before my thoughts got the best of me. I laid down facing the wall and everything was spinning a bit too much for me to be comfortable. Times like this I wish Ali was there to hold me tight and place warm wash cloths on my head. As I got deeper and deeper thinking about Ali, my eyes became shut and eventually I was off in a deep sleep.

 


	2. Invade

 

     The hot sand was the only reason I was running so quickly. Sweat was pouring off my face, my back, anywhere visible. My shirt was soaked and I just finished my last set of sprints. Training on the beach had become a new constant in my life ever since the move back to Florida. Everyday it was up at 5am and to head to the beach to continuously run and run here. Somedays I would even drag along weights for the hell of it. It’s been a constant battle of trying to overtrain to prove people wrong but yet having no motivation after being let down so much. It’s been a few days since I flew back from New York and I was still in the process of working off all the drinking I had done. I decided to just walk along the water and watch some of the early morning surfers. Surfing was another thing I loved to do. I loved the water, I loved the waves and the thrill of it. Growing up a walk from the beach had to be one of the greatest things that had happened to me. It was a nice getaway from everything in life because it was just you and the ocean. But sometimes there would be that time when all your thoughts would come crashing down on you and that time was right now.

     It has been a week since the USWNT won the gold at the Olympics. It was a full week of celebrating and they just finished their victory celebration last night in Los Angeles. I thought about going, to show support but I decided against that decision. Communication with Ali came and went. I wanted her to go and embrace every moment and try to stay away from all the social media of all of it. The part you will remember is the memories of celebrating, not constantly on the phone. She listened and the last time I heard from her was yesterday morning. I was so happy that the Olympics were over. It felt like a weight off my shoulder. Talk was finally dying down about it and eventually all the celebrations and all the highs will die down too. It can be something that is put into the back of my memory. 

     I got the call from Coach in early May that I would not be making the roster. At first I was speechless, but considering I did not get any playing time and Coach Ellis did not listen to all those “Free Harris” signs, I low key expected it. Ellis kept it short, about a minute phone call. She came right out with it right after she said hello and I had no idea how to respond. I thanked her for the opportunity for bringing me up all this time and I told her I would work hard without being in all the national team camps. She appreciated that and that was it. She hung up as soon as possible. I cried like a baby for days after it. To be honest, it was not because I would not get the chance to compete in the olympics, it was the fact I would not be with the girls that were like my family. The memories I make with them were always the best. I would miss not being apart of the crazy times we had together. Then of course the pain of not having my own Olympic gold medal sunk in watching them on the podium all celebrating. Yeah, that was not one of the better moments in my life. After the call, the first person I contacted was Ali. I called her up and all she heard were my tears. 

     “Ashlyn, it’s okay, please remember this is not the end.” She said as if she already knew what happened without me even telling her. I kept crying and she continuously kept talking trying to attempt to ease the pain. Ali knew how it felt to miss the Olympics too. Although she did not get cut, she did have a pretty serious injury and that is just as awful as getting that phone call saying you are not making it. 

     The first words I got out of my mouth was “we won’t be able to do this together, Al.”

     “Ash, I know we haven’t seen each other much because of the distance but I’m sure this won’t hurt us much. That should be the last thing on your mind right now, you need to focus on yourself now and I will bother every step of the way for that” Along those lines though I heard the doubt in her voice. Ali was not the one for long distance relationships. She needed constant company, she loved having me close to her. We were so used to living in Europe together, then in D.C., that when told her I was going to Florida to play she did not handle it well. It was constant screaming at me including crying for a few hours straight. She even slept in a different bed after I told her. But I know the Spirit gave me everything they could and I wanted to be home. I’m such a Florida girl and this was the perfect opportunity that I could not miss. At one point I thought everything was going to end between us but we managed to keep ‘us’ going. Yeah it was hard, but we have gone through so much, a little long distance never hurt anybody. It took her a while to adjust to that and she is still trying to adjust. 

     After some more soothing for me form Ali, she had to go because it was time for her training. I wanted to punch the wall after I was done talking to her. Getting to experience the World Cup with her was one of the most memorable moments of my life, I wish I could of done the Olympics with her. 

     Continuing to move on after the call provided some of the most awkward moments of my life. Noting was worse than when you had to tell people that you did not make the roster. Most people had the same replies, somewhere along the lines of “Don’t worry Ash, you will get them next time.” But everyone forgot that next time was 4 years away and it was not like I was getting any younger. 

     I continued my training here in the morning on the beach, practice, then at night. It was constantly training, trying to make myself better. I continued with the Pride and I knew I was getting better with all the effort I was putting in. After hearing some of the girls on my team talk about playing in Europe, that is when the first thought hit me. I played on Tyreso with Ali for a bit and I came back a completely different player and that is when the national team started to notice me. Everything started to click then. Maybe if I went back overseas, a repeat of what happened last time would happen. The coaches would notice me and everything would be okay again. Except I would come back even better. After that practice I immediately started to get in touch with some European coaches. I got in contact with Tyreso again, a few teams in France and Germany. European football was a completely different game than over here in the NWSL.I figured that I might as well take the chance to talk to some coaches to see if I get some playing time, and learn some new styles of play. It did not take long for Tyreso to come back and say they would take me back in a heartbeat. Next I heard from was Duisburg. Each team had many different components on what they would offer me and I knew what they were offering me would be much better than what I had over here for my certain predicament. With more and more talk about going to Europe to play, the Pride coaches started to get on board with me. Everything became more and more real until I finally made my final decision about playing for a new team.

     I was now about a mile away from where my car was parked from my long walk on the beach. I guess my thoughts got the best of me so I decided to head take a nice run back. 

     I shoved my weights, sneakers and towels into the backseat of my car. The drive was about 7 minutes long if I did not hit any stop lights. The ease of getting to the beach created most of my happiness here. I took road trips on weekends to my house in Satellite beach because of the easy access. I loved everything about being home. Pulling into my street there was a car I haven’t ever seen before in my driveway. It was a white BMW parked in my own driveway. Weird, maybe it was a neighbor who had some company over. I knew my mother would never even attempt to buy a car like that, even without telling me. Plus, if anyone was planning on buying me a car, it should of been a two door jeep wrangler that was all blacked out and maybe with some shark outlines on it. Not some fancy thing or whatever that was in my driveway. I pulled into my driveway next to this mysterious car and sat in the driveway for the bit. At this rate, if the owner of this car was in my house trying to abduct me, I knew at least I could defend myself. Walking out of the car I had my keys in one hand with my pepper spray ready just incase I needed to use it. 

     I tried to open the door without unlocking it to see if it would open. That was good. It was still locked so at least no one picked the lock and let themselves in. Only two people had the house key anyway.I opened the door and I was filled with the smell of the fresh sea breeze coming through the windows. Ah, how good it felt to be here. I walked past the living room into the kitchen to start prepping my post workout meal. And that’s when I heard a door slam. 

     “Hello?” I shouted. Okay, I don’t get scared but I was a little frightened here. Mom’s car was not home and I was not expecting any other family members to be here. Everyone should of been at work, it was a Monday and everyone was not around. Whoever this invader in my house though was making use of things though. I noticed on the kitchen some opened bananas and it looks like they made themselves their own shake from the looks of the remains in the sink.

     I heard footsteps walking upstairs and quickly coming downstairs. I opened the drawer that supplied the knives just incase.My home invader too the last step down the stairs and that’s when I saw them - her. Beautiful as ever I stood there with my jaw dropped. With open arms she came flying to me and tackled me to the ground. I dropped my keys with my pepper spray, as there was no use of that. I got flung to the ground and was too shocked to even comprehend this moment. Did Ali Krieger really just ditch Los Angeles and her celebrations to come see me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was writing this and this was going to be a longer chapter but I decided to separate 2 and 3 to add in some fun. Chapter 3 should be up later today. Thank you for reading this and any comments/thoughts are appreciated!


	3. Begin Again

      “It’s just a dream Ashlyn. It’s just a dream.” I repeatedly said to myself as I laid on the ground with what was just my imagination of a girlfriend on top of me. I was stopped after I got smacked on my face by what my eyes were imagining.  
     “ASHLYN! I’m here baby. It’s actually me.” Ali yelled right into my face while trying to not giggle at my craziness. I was still comprehending the fact that Ali, the Ali Krieger of the Olympic Gold team, decided to ditch L.A. early to surprise me. Her long beautiful hair falling down to my face, and her big brown eyes staring right at me. Her smile was infectious and ever since the moment she tackled me, it has not fell off her face. I almost could not get the words out of my mouth she always has me so mesmerized.  
     “I, I just, what is going on? Al? How?” Was all I could manage to escape from my mouth. With no response she leaned closer to my face where I got smell of the vanilla scent she always had and it made the moment finally feel real. She placed her lips onto mine and everything felt right in the world. The feeling of her soft warm lips onto mine, after all this time was the greatest feeling in the world. I felt her smile through the kiss, which she knows is my favorite thing which mad me just smile right back. I got chills down my spine and the butterflies in my heart were most definitely out. She knew how much her smile fall to my knees and just lost it in uncontrollable giggles. She pulled back and I got to look at her again, this time finally believing this moment was real.  
     “Ashlyn do you really think I was not going to see you for another week? Besides, there is one person I want to celebrate with and that’s you. Thankfully, your family loved the idea of the whole surprise and jumped on board right away to help me plan this all out.”  
     “I don’t understand, you just left L.A.? What about the team? How did you get inside my house?”  
     “The team can manage without me. We did the parade already and that was the most important part of it. And remember you gave me a copy of the key last time we were here. In case of “emergencies”. If you ask me, surprising my girlfriend and tacking her to the ground is quite the emergency.” Oh, I forgot. We were still here laying on the ground of my kitchen.  
     I laughed, “You’re right, lets get up so I can properly greet you.” I said as she slid off next to me and gave me a hand to get up.  
     “I cannot believe you are here Ali, you do not understand how much this means to me!”  
     “I know Ash! I cannot believe it either. I can’t even say how much I have missed you. I’m so happy to be with you.” I smiled and put my hands to her face and tilted her head up towards mine to kiss her again. This time, more meaningful and deeper. She wrapped her hands around my neck and our bodies had no space in between. Right when I thought it could not get any better she took my lip between her teeth. Shit. My weak spot. My hands were all over her body and it took everything in me to not let out a soft moan. I wanted to keep going but she pulled away.  
     “It’s the kitchen Ashlyn.”  
     “Yeah so? We’ve done it in worse places.”  
     “Not your mothers kitchen when she could walk in at any moment. Nope! Not happening love.” I tried to give her the usual working puppy dog face but it was a no go this time.  
     “Fine! I guess you will just have to wait until tonight!” Continuing with my pouting face hoping it would work, but once again it would not.  
     “What were your plans for today Ash?”  
     “Well, I just got back from working out, but I did not really have any plans”  
     “So you’re cool with surfing and the beach all day and lunch at our favorite spot?”  
     “Cool with that? Let’s go right now I will pack all my things as quick as possibly!”

 

      I don’t think I took a breath or looked up once the waitress put my burger down on the table. Ali and I come to this burger joint every time she’s in town. I try and stay away from it as much as possible because if not I would eat my weight in burgers.  
With a mouth half full, “So Al, how has been celebration week?”  
      “Well, this is my first time sober all week and it hit me hard on the plane ride, plus with the time difference. The best part of the week though has definitely been today.”  
     “Hmm. Smart one, Princess, but I don’t think I can compare to winning the Olympics.”  
     “Oh Ash, you really underestimate yourself don’t you?” With her smile on her face and her “I’m completely in love with you” eyes giving me her famous look.  
We tried to avoid dessert so we could walk to the beach as soon as possible. We grabbed out bags and headed out of the restaurant. It was right on the beach but I had to stop at the surf shop to pick up a board. Hopefully Ali would not just lay on the beach and try and work on her tan the whole game. We walked hand and hand to the beach and nothing felt better. Thinking about the future stung my heart, I just hoped everything would come out easy.

     Ali didn’t exactly love the ocean. Actually, she just didn’t like getting her hair wet, or ruining her mascara.  
     “Al come surf.”  
     “I don’t surf.”  
     “It’s not hard come on I will teach you.”  
     “I’d rather just float around on a float or something.”  
     “Ali that’s what you do in a pool. This is an ocean there are waves and it is for action.”  
     “Ugh. Fine. Only for 5 minutes.”  
     “You can’t get anything done in 5 minutes!!”  
     “Anything?” She said with a smirk on her face. Touche Ali. I grabbed my board and grabbed her hand and ran into the ocean. She was struggling behind me. Oh how she hated the ocean.  
     “Okay Ali. First, get on the board and we will go from there.” Ali was amazingly athletic but she was struggling to try and balance on the board. Eventually though, after many failed attempts Ali got up standing on the board. It was not long though, it took her only one eave to fall off the board and ultimately give up for the day.  
     “Oh my gosh Ash, we can try this tomorrow. I’m just going to lay here and tan.” The princess said which basically ended up with me pulling around the surfboard with her on it. After about 25 minutes of swimming around with her getting her tan on I had enough. Ali looked half asleep so she knew this was the perfect time. She dove under the water, found the edges of the surfboard and tipped it just the right amount that soon she heard a splash in the water with another body next to her’s.  
     “ASHLYN YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!,” Were the first words Ali screamed after she got up from under the water.  
     “Awww come on Babe, it was fun!”  
     “Ashlyn Harris do you see how wet my hair is now?”  
     “Oh my gosh. It will dry, do you see how hot it is out? You are such a diva.”  
     “Ugghhh, I cannot believe you interrupted my beauty sleep!” I gave her a splash and she stormed off towards the beach. I swam after her and we both got tackled into a wave. As we both gasped for air when we appeared above the surface I took her head into my hands and crashed my lip onto her’s. It felt so good to be with her again.  
     “That is the only action I approve of that you have done in the past 5 minutes.” Ali said, trying to hide back her smile.  
     “You love it.” I said placing my lip son her’s once again. We took our time drying off mostly because we had one towel and that allowed us to lay right next to each other, basically on top of one another. After a few hours on the beach we decided to take the walk home since the sun was starting to set. Packing our things up, we walked once again hand in hand on the way home. We headed to the shower first - together, one of favorite activities to do together. We took our time pouring shampoo all over each other, scrubbing every part of each other’s body. I never thought a woman could be more sexier than myself, but then I met Ali and everything changed. I traced her tattoo on her hip, up to her chest and to her lips. I spent a lot of time just staring at her body until she interrupted me.  
     “We can’t spend all night here you know, I’ll start to get hungry.”  
     “Fine fine. Let’s rinse off and I will start cooking?”  
     “That sounds excellent,” Ali said with a quick kiss on my cheek. We rinsed off, grabbed our towels and dried off. I threw on leggings and a loose nike tee and ran downstairs to start dinner. I left Ali in my room to take her time to get dolled up.  
     I was cooking one of Ali’s favorite meals tonight, salmon with sweat potatoes. Top top everything off, I wanted to make her homemade chocolate chip cookies with some ingredients I found in the house. Her favorite indulgence, warm cookies right out of the oven.  
     “Ali, dinner will be done in 10 minutes, I hope you are ready!” I yelled upstairs and waited for a response. Nothing. She was probably too focused putting on her mascara.  
     “Al?” Still no answer. I decided to head upstairs to go find her and drag her downstairs. She always worried about how she looked yet she could wake up with bed hair and stinky breath and still be flawless. I climbed up the stairs and heard sniffles coming from my bedroom, when I walked in that is when I saw everything. On my bed was my new contract, my contract overseas with Duisburg, the emails and the letters I had to have printed out for my agent and the coaches over there. On the bed Ali was reading all my flight information, that left in a week. And there was Ali, hysterically crying. I knew she was going to find out, but not this way.  
     “Ali, I can explain.” Was all I could manage out of my mouth as I felt my heart breaking with every tear that feel from Ali’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things will start picking up after this chapter! Basically, the first three were kind of just a set up for the whole story. Start to prepare for unhappy times! Thanks for reading <3


	4. I Choose..

 

     “Please tell me this is all fake. That they wanted you to come so they sent you all of this to try and change your mind, Ashlyn. Please tell me that,” Ali managed to say between her sobs.

     “Ali, just le-”

     “This cannot be real. You and I were about to settle down here, to focus just on us now.”

     “Ali.” I was trying to get her attention, but she kept rambling on. 

     “We were thinking about getting married, having kids, coming out to the world.”

     “Ali, it’s real.” I managed to blurt out, watching Ali’s heart break into one million pieces as she heard those words. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to say.

     “Ashlyn, what? I don’t get it what’s going on? You’re leaving?”

     “I’m going to Germany.” 

     "You're going to where?!"

     "Ali, please, you know what I just said.” I said with an angrier tone in my voice. Ali could not play dumb in this situation if she did the same herself.

     "I think you just said you're moving across an entire ocean to play. Because being so many states away from me wasn't enough, right Ash?"

     "That's not the point Ali. What happened? The old you would understand why I'm doing this. I didn't make the Olympic roster, I wasn't there when the team won gold, don't you think that hurts? Something needs to change and for my career this is the best option. Ali I need to do this for my career, I have to get back into the bubble but stay this time.”

     "For your career? What about your life Ashlyn? Soccer isn't always going to be there and I thought we were pretty set on us being forever."

     "Ali, you did it too."

     "But guess what Ashlyn! I wasn't in a four year relationship then! I need to settle down, I thought that it was our time to do that. Together.,” I knew in Ali’s voice that the sadness was staring to turn into anger. I knew I had to calm her down quickly.

     "An ocean away isn't going to change anything for me."

     "Well, it changes everything for me” Standing up, walking straight to me.

     "Alex, what do you mean..."

     "If you leave Ashlyn, it's done between us. If you get on the plane in two days and even if you come back I will not. If you get on that plane that means you have made your decision. And I will have to deal with that.”

     “Ali, why aren’t you understanding this?”

     “Why aren't I understanding this?! Ashlyn I thought you were in love with me, I left the olympic celebrations to come be with you! We have a great league here that we need to promote yet you are doing this! That is what I do not understand!”

     "Ali, maybe we need this though. Maybe we need to just find ourselves for a little bit. It shouldn't be the end of everything, a little distance doesn’t hurt”

     "Ashlyn I am 32 years old. I am done finding myself, I found myself with you.”

     “Babe! It’s only an ocean away, the plane ride will be super quick.”

     “Ashlyn are you serious? I’m done working my life around soccer now. I want to keep it as simple as possibly. You going away this far does not make it simple.”

     “Why can’t you give it a chance? I’m going to Germany. I made my decision the contract was already signed.”

     “And you had no interested in discussing it with me?”

     “Well, there was not a way to put this thing… lightly. I did not want you to freak out.”

     “Look where we are now! I am freaking out! How could you be so stupid Ashlyn? You picked soccer over me!”

     “Ali, stupid? Oh you just crossed the line, how could I be the stupid one here when I’m trying to make myself better?”

     “See, exactly.You are picking soccer over me.”

     “Soccer won’t sit around and wait Ali!”

     “Well guess what Ashlyn? Then I will not either. You had a choice here but clearly you already made it.”Ali picked up her purse from the ground and started to walk out of my room. I quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

     “Ashlyn no. Do not touch me. I don’t even want to look at your face right now. I’m leaving and if you get on that plane we are done and over and I never want to speak or see you again!” Ali screamed as she tore down the stairs grabbed her keys and ran out the front door. Like I always would, I chased after her and watched her get into her car.

     “Ali you are making a mistake!” I yelled out to her, trying to get her to stop. Trying to maker her turn around and forget everything we just said or anything that just happened so I could grab her by her neck and kiss her continuously, but I couldn’t do that. My girlfriend was already to her car and about to leave.

     “No Ashlyn you are!” Were the last words she said to me as she slammed her car door closed and stepped on the reverse and flew out of my driveway.

     Fuck. I just did not understand Ali’s reasoning for being so mad. Okay, maybe I would a little bit but she did not understand that we are still young and we still have our whole lives together. I wasn’t going that far and she loves Germany! She could come visit all the time! She speaks the language, knows so many people there plus the love of her life would be there. I wasn’t sure why she had her mental breakdown and I wasn’t sure where she was going. I decided to call her right away. I got put to voicemail the second the phone started to ring. So I called again… straight to voice mail. I tried to shoot her a text too,

     ‘ _Ali, please come back so we can talk this out normally… it will all work out it always does between us.’_

     I pressed send but I was very doubtful of a message or even a call back. Ali was one to get furious easily, especially when things did not go as planned for her. She stuck by the books and wanted everything to be done in the order she had them planned out. I was always opposite of her way of life which was one of the very few times we ever crashed. I knew Ali would give in, she always did give in. She could not stay away from me very long. 

     I was forced to make a decision, again, very quickly. Ali changed everything in my life the past 4 years, I was happy again, she made me strong and most importantly she was my other half. But on the flipside, soccer has been there for me ever since I was a little kid. When I was beating the boys up on the field, to having it as the gateway for me to go to college. It was my rock, but then again so was she. I wasn’t even sure who I had to talk with to help me with this. I couldn’t talk to Kyle, he would obviously side with Ali here, the gals from the soccer team would understand why I would want to play overseas, and my friends would only be “Aw Ash it will all be okay.” I had to make this decision all on my own and I wasn’t ready for it. I was interrupted from my thoughts with the smell of something burning. Fuck. I ran into the kitchen and was attacked with a large cloud of grey smoke. On the stove was the salmon that Ali and I were supposed to be eating. Looks like I was not eating dinner tonight. 

     I heard my phone ring and jumped up, except I was let down when I saw form the caller ID that it was the airline calling… probably about my flight confirmation and such. I decided to answer and I heard a young man on the phone,

     “Hi, is this Ashlyn Harris of Duisburg?”

     “Yes, this is her.”

     “You have a 48 hour notice to cancel or confirm a flight without being charged, since it will be less than 48 hours soon I am calling to confirm your one way flight to Germany?” And here it was, pressured by someone I barely knew, making me choose between two things that I loved so much.

     “Hello?”

     “Hi yes. I will confirm my flight right now.” I spoke strongly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading everyone! So hopefully the story will start to pick up now. Things will get interesting now!  
> Next chapter may be up tonight or tomorrow, we will see :)


	5. Right Side of the Wrong Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter, sorry about the wait on this one. I promise things will get interesting too, I just gotta get the details in before the real stuff happens! Thanks for reading I appreciate your comments/kudos <3

     It’s been 16 days since my first night here in Germany. Its been 18 days since I last talked to Ali Krieger, the day she stormed out of my house asking to never speak to me again if I got on the plane. Well, I got on the plane andI have left her about 160 calls, countless text messages, tried to speak with her brother and all of our mutual friends. I was at the point where I was stalking her on social media, to see if she was smiling, what her likes were on twitter, basically this was getting very embarrassing. I was getting more and more worried about her with each hour I spent here. At the end of the day there should have not been a choice between soccer and my girlfriend, well possibly ex-girlfriend. I should still have both and Ali could visit me whenever she wanted in Germany. Preseason or season did not start here yet,I was still doing camps with the team but always had my weekends off. My heart was in a million different pieces, my mind was in too many places and too many countries.

     I did a lot of exploring so far. As much as I could whenever I had free time. I tried to relive this culture again to get adjusted to life and to make things as easy as possible especially on myself. After practice it was straight to a nice restaurant or cafe where I got something new every single time. I would then take long walks in the city trying to say hello to everyone I saw. Mostly everyone here was friendly and you could engage in any conversation. Except, all these little things I tried to do to hid my sadness, were only temporary. I would still get home at night with a cold side to the bed. I would still reach over and think someone should be there but yet there was no one. But then again, this was all my decision. Somehow I was the one who managed to do all of this to myself. 

     My teammates definitely saw my sadness and so they asked a billion questions. At first I tried to ignore them, but at one point I just broke down and spilled everything out. So, their first instinct was to set me up with another girl on the team. Her name was Andrea and she clearly had something for me since she shook like a leaf whenever she talked to me, and stared just a bit too long. But then again, if I saw someone who looked like me I would stare too. She was cute and she was young but she was no Ali. Speaking of,I needed to hear someway how Ali was doing, so I decided to call HAO, she played for the USWNT and was always Ali’s partner in crime. I loved her too, but I was just hoping she would spill some Ali dish for me. 

     I picked up my phone and dialed in her number, and after a few rings she finally picked up.

     “Hey HAO.”

     “Ashhhllyynnn. How are you doing buddy? Don’t worry, you do not have to go into detail. I’ve been Ali’s therapist the past few weeks so I suppose I can be your’s too.” Ha spoke through the phone, with my eyes and height lighting up at the sound of Ali’s name.

     “Ali has spoken to you??”

     “Spoken to me? She won’t leave me alone!”

     “What is she saying? HAO how bad did I fuck up? What do I do?”

     “Ash, I’m not sure what to tell you. She told you what would happen if you got on that plane to Germany. You got on that plane. So what she said was going to happen… happened. I’m sorry Ash.”

     “Well, do you know why she has ignored all my calls?”

     “I think she is too busy either training her heart out or watching too many hopeless romantic movies crying on her couch eating popcorn. Ash, do you realize what you have done?” Fuck. As much as I did not want to hear how much pain Ali was going through, I needed to hear it.

     “HAO, I didn’t mean any of it. I thought she wouldn’t get mad about this. She loves Germany too! And we were already separated because of the Pride! I didn’t think she would bring it this far.”

     “Don’t worry Ash, you know I’m not taking sides here. Each of you have screwed up equally. I think she definitely needs her space though, she is pretty pissed off and heartbroken. That’s definitely not the best combination and you know Kriegs, when is she not happy?”  

     “I know HAO, but I didn’t want to leave her. That was the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I just, I couldn’t take being looked over by the coaches again and I needed to do something completely different that would hopefully give me a chance. I thought she wouldn’t take it too hard.”

     “Oh Ash. I completely understand. I know how hard it is to be apart of a winning World Cup team and then get the boot for the Olympics. I almost thought I wouldn’t be apart of it all either Ash. I support you no matter what you do, you know that. And career wise, yes this was the best decision. Will Ali understand that? Probably not. She is looking at it from a girlfriend’s view, not a career view. It’s hard, she is gonna need some time to realize all of this. I know you’re worried about her but we are all checking in on her constantly. If anything dramatic happens you know you would be the first to know.

     “Yeah yeah, thanks HAO. Did I ever tell you you are the best?”

     “You have, but I definitely do not mind hearing it again! Ash if you need anything I am only one call away.”

     “I know, thanks HAO. Just make sure Ali is okay.. I’m determined to win her back. Talk to you soon!”

     “Goodbye Ashlyn.”I hung up the phone and sighed a bit of relief. I just wish Ali would stop being so childish about this and pick up the damn phone! I can’t go a few hours without hearing her voice or contagious laugh, how was I supposed to go this long without her?

 

     It was a Friday night so of course the team had to go out. It was my first time going to a bar with girls trying to actually take me home. I spent over 4 years with Ali, I was used to her being by my side, this was weird. I went with the all black look, not like there is any one look that looks better on me, but black jeans, black loose v-neck, black hat, a gold chain necklace and my black boots. Everyone on the team had decided to go out and we went to a local bar that always played good music. We ordered a few rounds and quickly took those down. It’s been a while since I last drank and I was already feeling the effects of the alcohol hit me. 

     “Ash that girl has been eyeing you down since you walked in. Go up to her.”

     “Lucy, I don’t see anyone.”

     “The brunette over there. Skirt, crop top. She’s a cutie.” I almost threw up in my mouth. I don’t think I could ever look at a brunette again.

     “Ashlyn! Take this shot. Take a beer for her, and go over there!” More teammates started to pile on in on me.

    “Guys okay! I will!” I took down a shot, no actually I took down about three to really get the juices flowing and grabbed a beer and walked over to her.

     “Hey” And a nod was all I got from her when I walked over, and I could tell by just one word she was not a foreigner to Germany. She had a thick accent, kind of like Ali’s when she would come back to America after a few long months in Germany. No Ash. No more thinking of Ali.

     “Hi baby girl.” Woah, I don’t know where that came from, but I’m assuming it was the alcohol that was controlling my mouth.

     “I’m Analise, but call me Ana.”

     “Nice to meet you, I’m Ashlyn”

     “You’re gorgeous Ashlyn, there’s no way you came here alone”

     “Well, it’s your lucky day because I did.,” Although, I felt anything but lucky being alone but for the time being, Ana was cute and she was a damn good dancer and I knew my teammates were watching so I had to put on a good face and be happy.The blood was rushing to my head though and I felt the alcohol kicking in.Drunk Ashlyn was obviously a chick magnet and that meant I went home with people. The world was becoming more blurry by each sip and the thought of sneaking into bed with someone else actually seemed really nice. My hands were all over Ana’s body and our bodies were moving together with the music. We spent a while just grinding on each other until she turned around to face me. We came face to face and she grabbed my neck, my weak spot, and placed her lips on mine. She held that there for a while though, with her lips tasting like alcohol on my own. When she finally pulled away and I opened my eyes I saw Ali’s face instead of Ana’s. I knew I could not get her out of my mind so I kissed Ana again, with each kiss I hoped that Ana would actually turn into Ali and it would not be just my imagination. I ran my fingers through her long brown hair while her hands explored all over my body. As time passed my hopes of it being all a dream and Ana was Ali had escaped. I was in an unknown bar with a random girl who felt a lot more for me than I did for her. Ana took me by the hand and I followed her to the bar. We continued just to drink and drink until I couldn’t remember any more of the night.

     I missed having someone in the bed next, but this time there was the wrong someone in my bed. I woke up around 8:00 am and Ana was there, naked, and I realized I was not even in my own house. I panicked, I haven’t had a one night stand in years and I honestly forgot how to carefully sneak away. Ana was a nice girl I must say, but all I could remember was her name and I had no idea what happened after that. I tiptoed to the bathroom with my clothes, called up Lucy who was in charge of setting my up to my failure and demanded her to pick me up. After about 10 minutes of panicking in the bathroom Lucy finally arrived. I quickly ran out the front door and was greeted by three hooting teammates in the team car.

     “YEAH ASH!”

     “That’s out girl!!” They were all shouting but I was so embarrassed.

     “Guys, that is not okay. I do not remember anything that happened I do not even know how I got there!”

     “Haha Ash! Just check all of our snaps! Man, you may not be able to dance when you are sober but I did not know you had it in you when you are completely wasted!” Snap stories was social media, oh gosh I knew they were all private but what if, oh my gosh. Ali. What if Ali was friends with them?

     “I’M ON YOUR SNAP STORIES?! Are any of you friends with Ali?! She cannot see that that will rip her apart.” I was so damn nervous.

     “Relax, Ash. I don’t think any of us are friends with her and besides she needs to see that you are moving on and having a good time she cannot hold you back anymore girl! You’re too good and way too hot for that.” Of course Andrea would say that about Ali to me. First off, Ali is perfect but if Andrea wanted any chance to be with me dragging down Ali was definitely not the chance.

     “Whatever, can you guys just tell me what exactly happened?” And for the rest of the car ride home I was filled with every ounce of drunken moments I had last night. Well on the bright side, nights I can’t remember means I was not thinking about Ali so that was good, right?


	6. Used to Have it All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY FOR THE MONTH OF NO UPDATES!!! If you are in college and experiencing the stress of exam week/finals coming up then you understand my issue! I hope you enjoy, but for future notice, updates will be very rare for the next few days! Enjoy~

 

     Moving to a different country would not help me avoid the fact that national camp was going to come. I wasn’t exactly avoiding camp though, the whole reason I came to Germany is so that I would get noticed and I would get back to camp, so technically I had no right to be angry that my flight back to the states was tomorrow morning. I have been somewhat on the team for years, so I knew I was going to get the call to come even though I was not on the Olympic squad. I knew Coach Ellis would call the German coaches here to let me off my schedule and they would plan flights so I had no other choice but to go. I also knew tomorrow was the first step of me trying to get my spot back on the roster. And sadly, I knew I was about to see Ali Krieger for the first time since she left. 

     It was our January camp, basically all speed and fitness training and we would be spending our time in good ole’ sunny SoCal. That made me beyond happy because I knew there would be a beach I could go surf on with Tobs or KO. I’ve been in Germany for now, what? Almost 4 months and at this point it was getting pretty chilly here and I desperately needed some warm weather in my life. I suppose going back home, well, back to my home country would be nice finally for a change. I was doing well on the whole ‘getting over the love of your life/soulmate’ issue. I think being in Germany progressed me about 15% further than I was the day she left. Okay, not that much progress but hey I made some progress.My heart fluttered when I thought about it, I wasn’t really sure what to expect from her when I saw her. From what I last heard from friends, she still hated me. That was okay, because I suppose if she hates me she won’t talk to me and overtime I hear her voice I would fall in love.

     “Hey what are you losing your thoughts in?” Andrea asked, wrapping her arms around me and giving me a kiss on the cheek. Okay, maybe I forgot to mention I decided to give my teammate Andrea a chance. Not really a chance, she was more like a distraction for a bit but she definitely felt a lot more for me than I did to her. I felt bad about it, especially about the fact that I would close my eyes when her lips were on mine and I would think of Ali, not her. But for the most part it was just progress on knowing that I would no longer to be able to kiss Ali, or hug her, or wake up to her in the morning. Whitney told me that I needed more time to be getting with anyone else, because at the end of the day I would no longer be hurting just myself but Andrea would fall for me a little more each and every day. I knew she was right, but I was an asshole, clearly.

     “Nothing just thinking about camp tomorrow.” I replied back

     “Camp, hmm, more nervous about playing again or seeing Ali?” My heart slightly froze at the mention of Ali’s name.

     “Well I mean, it’s the first time I am seeing her again. I’m gonna be nervous. It’s going to be weird.” I had to be honest with her.

     “Do you miss her?” Apparently now it was a game of 20 questions.

     “I don’t know Andrea. I’m not in the mood to play 20 questions right now.”

     “So I guess you do.” 

     “I never said that, you did.”

     “It’s fine she had a big impact in your life, I understand.” Andrea said with her big sad eyes. She knew no matter how much love she could give to me, she would never compare to Ali. 

     “Okay then.”

     “I’m gonna leave to head back home now. Have a safe flight back and tell me when you land okay? I’m just a call away.” I was seeing her for a month but we still never slept together over night besides the times we were drunk. I just wasn’t ready for it. 

     “I’m sorry and alright. Drive home safely.” I said coldly. I felt bad, but everyone had to have the slightest knowledge that she was just a temporary option since I did not have Ali. Everyone in my life would be a temporary option if I could not win back Ali. 

 

     The sound of my alarm going off at 5:30 am is what woke me up and shot me up. Today was the day. I was flying back to the United States for the first time since August. I rubbed my tired eyes threw off my covers and went to go to my morning routine. I walked to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. Yikes, if I wanted to impress Ali at all I definitely need to do something with this bed hair. Oh gosh, and my breath. I started the water and brushed my teeth. To the kitchen I went and I packed a peanut butter and jelly on some bread and put it in a plastic baggy and headed back to my room. I put on my black nike sweats and my matching black nike shirt we all had to wear. I would be arriving later than most and had to head straight to the team meeting, granted I was going to be on time. 

     I thanked myself for packing the night before instead of packing at this time in the morning. That’s something Ali taught me, I procrastinated everything and she wanted everything organized. I grabbed my suitcase and my backpack and shuffled outside to my car. I already felt too tired to function and day had only just begun. I got picked up by a local cab that the team always used and I was driven to the airport. 

     I was constantly traveling and flying because of the national team, but this flight felt different. I had a extra set of nerves this flight. Every little bump would startle me and I would get butterflies in my stomach all over again. My hands were shaking and time felt like it was taking forever. Although, it could take forever because there was one thing I was not looking forward to once I landed. I had no idea how Ali was going to react when she saw me. Mad? Angry? Sad? Would she fall into my arms and pretend everything was okay again? Hah, only in my dreams. I was stuck on this plane for the next 3 hours with just my thoughts and the clouds. I had so much to think about here on myself. I thought moving to Germany would be a lot easier than what it actually was. I was enjoying myself, especially the soccer part but I never imagined how hard it would be to leave Ali, and because of this I knew I took her for granted. Ugh, of course the whole ‘You don’t know what you got until it’s gone’ quote was really hitting hard here. I had to shove Ali out of my thoughts though, this was a time for myself and getting myself better. I tried to lean my head back and close my eyes in hopes to fall asleep. 

 

     I felt the hot rays of the sun on my face and damn the sun has never felt any better. One of the training coaches had to pick me up alone and I got the dish on everything that has been happening when I was gone, on every single player. This is why I loved bus rides alone, although I was gone for a bit I got the local scoop on everyone. Except Ali. I walked in the hotel, clearly last to arrive since no one else was in the van with me. After traveling in that hot van, I felt so thankful to finally be in an air conditioned hotel again. I walked over to the front desk where I was greeted by a young man who handed me my key cards and a bag of goodies we always got when the team stayed there for training camp. I quickly looked at my key card to see I would be rooming with and thankfully I lucked out with getting Tobin as my roommate. She was care free, didn’t get involved in anything and half the time she was missing anyways. So far so good.

     “Ashlyn, let’s go the meeting is this way.” Crap. Back to reality. I turned around and headed into the direction that the meeting was. Again the nerves started to get to me and I started to shake. Would Coach Ellis hate me because I was late? She can’t possibly, she was the one who helped planned my flights back. Who would I sit next to? Where would Ali be? I felt my back starting to sweat, and my palms becoming clammy. Although I had many days to think about the moment this was going to happen, no matter what I could not prepare for this. It was my first time back since the Olympic team won gold and I was praying I would not feel like an outside. I heard their voices from a few steps away. Coach told me they were doing some kind of bonding drill today and I just got back in time. And that’s when I heard it, the noise that made my heart stop and beat so much faster all at the same time. Her laugh was contagious, her smile and when she crinkled her nose. Ali as in that room laughing, she was happy. And here I was about to have a mental breakdown.

     “Ash you can’t be in the meeting if you stand outside of the door all day…. lets go.”

     “Oh, sorry Coach, just got a little bit lost.” I tried to quickly lie to seal that up.

     I walked into the room, thankfully Jill just got up to speak so hopefully no one was gonna see that I was-

     “ASHLYN BOOBEAR!!!!!” Alex and KO screamed and ran up to tackle me. So much for keeping my entrance low key. A few of the other gals ran up to me and said hello. I waved to Jill and mouthed sorry to her but all she did was laugh back at me. I guess she was okay with the everyone’s excitement to see me. I was greeted with hello’s from everyone and a big welcome back. Well, almost everyone. Ali was starting to stand up and with a straight face on, she walked my way. Oh no, this was it. I knew Ali was too much of a professional to make a big scene here, but I was nervous.

     “Hi.” She said. All she said was Hi.

     “Hey. It’s nice to see you.” And with that she shook my hand to greet me? I felt awkward. I wonder if she noticed how much my hand was sweating when it touched hers. I wonder if she was as chill about this as she was coming off as. I think the whole room felt the tension, if I knew any better, I think the whole world could feel it too.

     “Let’s just be okay, ok?” She whispered to me as she walked back to her seat.

     What was that supposed to mean? To be okay? Being okay to me was having her wrapped in my arms and kissing her face. I was left with even more confusion than I came in with, and boy was I confused.

     “Alright everyone, let’s get started. Today our team bonding activity is to compete in our very own obstacle course! Your teams will be handed out to you, we will be in groups of 4.” Coach Dawn said.

     I quickly got handed a paper and searched for my name on the list… Ashlyn… Ashlyn…. there we go! I read the names, Alex, Ashlyn, Christen… and Ali. Ali? What! How is it even humanely possible that the coaches would purposely put us on the same team? On the bright side, at least I had Alex and she had her pal Christen. This was going to be a long obstacle course.

 


	7. The Mud Bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less than two weeks of the semester, which means after that I will be free to write much more often! Enjoy, comments are appreciated! :)

 

     “Alright everyone, welcome to the US Soccer battlefield. Here we have a series of different obstacles, things to climb, to go under, to jump, you name it, we got it.” Dawn yelled over us as we stared at what laid before us. In very large field outside the hotel was Dawn’s new creation of team bonding. It was full of mud, beaten down with tons and tons of water that it was basically a swimming pool. Tires were on the ground, ropes to climb on/over/under where everywhere. This looked to me more like boot camp than an obstacle course. 

     “Everyone has their own starting point, but first to finish gets a prize. The prize you ask? Whoever wins does not have to run the extra two suicides tomorrow after running camp tomorrow. I hope you all put in the extra effort now to not do it later.” The groans from the team on thought of the beep test tomorrow pained us. 

     “Alright guys, we got this. We are going to win, this is simple.” Christen, in her cheery presence said to us.

     “We need to strategize this. Slowest in the front so we can push them the most… Who’s the slo-” Ali stopped herself from talking, she knew who the slowest was out of this group of star players and she knew if she kept asking it would mean just one more interaction with me. I went for it anyway though.

     “I’ll take one for the team. I guess I’ll be the slowest one today even though we all know it’s Alex.” I tried to brush it off, I didn’t want to make Ali feel uncomfortable and I knew if I put it lightly, a smile would appear on her face, one that I have been dying to see. I was right though, because as soon as I said what I did, her one in a million smile appeared, along with a 11not so light shove from Alex. 

     "I will bring each group to their specific starting point on the course, if you get passed by another group, you will have an added 2 minutes to your time. Each section of the course should take the same time, so no slowing down, ever! Do not get passed!” Dawn yelled again, and this time even more groans came out. The obstacle course seemed to be getting harder and harder the longer we waited and Dawn came up with more new ideas off the top of her head to challenge us.

     “Alright Coach, we should start soon because that means the more time I get to brag to everyone else how my team won!” KO shouted from the other side of the field.

     “No way! You have nothing on “Team No-Carbs!” Samantha Mewis shouted, of course that was their team name since the young ones were paired up with their ‘dol Carli ‘No carbs’ Lloyd.

     “Alright alright girls, settle down. Now on my whistle, you will all start! Ready?!”

     “Okay we got the order right? Ash, Alex, Ali, then myself okay? Okay!” Christen tried to jumble out the words right before the whistle blew.

     “Go!” As Dawn shouted after she blew her ear piercing whistle. 

     I sprinted to our first obstacle we faced in our challenge here, it was to climb under ropes that were only about a foot and a half above the ground, the catch? It wasn’t just a little bit of mud we were going through, it was filled with tons and tons of water, which made it a swimming pool of mud basically. I got on my hands and knees, one of the coaches above me yelling at me to move faster and faster, but my legs could only take so much mud to quicken me up. We had to go through about 15 years of this and I could hear Alex in the back telling me to use my legs to power through. Of course the rest of my squad got through it quickly. I blame it on being a goalie, I can’t be as fast as those girls. Of course the other 3 quickly got through it right after I finished. A small smile swept across Ali’s face to try and show some sympathy for me. Progress I thought.

     The next was what we called ‘battle tires’… high knees up and back 10 times with about 30 tires. I’m pretty sure this whole obstacle course was just a fun way of saying “here is your welcome back workout without actually labelling it that!” I of course started the group through this mess. I heard the cheers from the rest of my crew and even a few comments from Ali. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so awkward. Or maybe she was just being her normal professional self. I picked my knees up one by one through the tires. I was getting so exhausted and I knew another team was going o start to catch up to us. I pushed through as much as I could, but who knew a little bit of change of surface could affect your workout so much. As I was on my last round of tire hopping or whatever you want, I looked to my right and the young phenom freaking Mallory Pugh passed me. Well shit! That was two extra minutes to our time. 

     “Screw this guys!!!” I shouting, slugging over my last set of tires.

     “Ash just a little bit more!” Christen encouraged. My shoes splashed through the mud, hopping around through the tires. I got to my last two tires, picked my knees up and smiled at the fact I was done with that hell. I thought this was supposed to be fun. I stood to the side and watched Alex power through, and next was Ali. This was the first time I’ve really looked at her since the day she stormed out of the house. She would be too focused to what’s at task to notice I was staring but damn did Ali look good. She looked stronger, and fitter. I was wondering if me leaving and the sadness that might of taken over her had something to do with putting so much extra time in the gym. Her legs were rock solid pure muscle, and I was so impressed.

     “Hey Ash, it might be easier if you take a picture. Come on girl, you’re the one who left you can’t stare” Alex surprisingly whispered in my ear.

     “Hey! Don’t go there Alex, I wanted her to stick with me.” I replied.

     “Okay, let’s not talk about this now, we can save this for another time” I shrugged back at her response. I suppose nothing really could get Ali Krieger off my mind. We were running to the next obstacle when we heard a whistle. What? Was there a winner already? We only got through two pieces!

 

 

     “Team No Carbs with the win!!” Dawn yelled over all of the losing teams pouting faces. If running camp was not gonna kill us enough… two more extra suicides at the end would be the perfect icing on the cake. We all smelt, were disgusting and filled with mud and desperately needed to all hose off.

     “Victory has never tasted so good!” Little Pugh jumped around squealing.

     “I mean I told you guys! Maybe if we do it two more times we can get a hat trick?” Lewis said.

     “Okay okay, enough of that. No more bragging lets just go wash up an-” Carli was unable to finish her sentence because in mid speech she got hit by a ball of mud that was flung by KO.

     “Oh my gosh. You did not just did that.” Carli said.

     “Oh but I did!” KO, with another fistful of mud, about to fling another. She was too late though, because one of Carli’s minions, Mewis, got her revenge on her teammate and came behind KO’s back to shove a nice handful of mud in her face.

     “This means war!!!” Mewis said, running away laughing hysterically. At this point, I shielded myself behind Alex, not wanting to get any more mud on myself than I already had. Before anyone could even stop us, mud was flying everywhere. There were mud hugs, mud tackles, mud to the face. You name it. I guess Ali didn’t see myself hiding behind Alex because she ran up to her and gave her a huge mud hug, but as soon as she felt the second person she jumped up in the air, her face white as a ghost. I’m not sure if she felt the shock of our skin touching again, finally, or the fact she added another awkward interaction between us. Alex noticed this right away and I’m not sure if she felt totally and uncontrollably awkward or wanted to leave us so Ali and I could be face to face but sadly she ran away trying “run away from another pelting.” So naturally, I was stuck staring at Ali.

     “We should probably talk.” Ali said.

     “Yeah I know bu-”

“But first this.” And before I could even say a word freaking Ali put her hand to my face, watery mush all over me and ran away as proud as could be. I’m almost completely sure she would have done that as a slap in the face for leaving her, minus the slapping, even if we were not in the middle of a “mud blood bath” right now. Well, if this was any progress at all, at least she slapped me in the face with mud. We could only go up from here I suppose.

     “Girls!!!! Everyone!!!!! That’s it. Everyone needs to go hose off somewhere, I don’t care where but no one is entering back in the hotel like this.” Dawn tried to speak out above us all, all standing at her laughing.

     “Alright screw it.” Dawn spoke and with that, she aimed right at Carli and the fight was on again. I sat back and watched it all, thinking about how this group of fools and weirdos could go on and become world champions, and how tomorrow everything would become completely serious. All I knew though is, how happy I was to be back at camp again.

 


	8. Maybe This Thing was a Masterpiece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow would you look at that! Two updates in two days haha! Don't expect this often :) Read end notes for final thoughts :)

     Blazing hot water poured through the shower head and onto my face and trickled down to my body. I’ve been done in the shower for about 10 minutes but the steaming water kept me relaxed and kept me secluded from the outside world. I did a lot of thinking in the shower, I was here alone with my thoughts and I was baffled by my interaction with Ali before. It was unlike her to come up to me like that but I was starting to wonder if this was the front she was going to put on while we were at camp. It all made sense though, she did not have to talk to me when I was over seas, and at camp she could put on a face to make everyone think we were okay even though nothing was okay about this situation. No questions would be asked, and that was how professional Ali could be, she could easily trick everyone. I on the other hand, was not like Ali. So if she wanted to force me into acting like this was okay, she can’t. My closest friends knew everything about me and considering they’re all on this team, we might be dealing with some issues. I still am not sure why I am the one feeling like this when it was Ali who walked out on me. I had two weeks. Two solid weeks to put back the shattered glass, or I could get cut by all the remaining shards.

     “Ashypoo you having fun in there?” Tobin, of course Tobs would, barged through the door and I heard her starting to brush her teeth.

     “Never heard of a little privacy?”

     “Oh privacy-smivacy. That doesn't matter besides you’ve been in here for 4 years now, you’re gonna come out looking like a prune!”I ignored her and started to sing over here talking. She bursted out in giggles and I did too. Tobin always knew how to laugh at my idiocy. 

     “Oh hey Ash, what happened out there earlier before? With you and Ali? Are you guys good?” I sighed and Tobin even through the shower curtain could tell I tensed up at the sound of Ali’s name.

     “I’m sorry I won’t bring it-” Tobin tried to backpedal and ignore it, but I wasn’t going to let Ali trick everyone into thinking everything was dandy again.

     “No it’s not fine Tobs. I don’t even know what it was. It’s been months between interaction with us and I know I’m the one who went to Germany but she’s the one who left and I really have no idea what is going on or what’s going on with her life or how she feels towards me. I’m so confused and I don’t know wha to do.” It was rare for me to open up likes this, but it’s been a while since I let all my feelings coming out. Being behind the shower curtain started to make this feel more like a confession rather than a normal vent to my friend.

     “Well Ash, first let’s get out of the shower, get dressed and meet me in the room and we will talk okay? You know you always have me and we are gonna need to figure this out. I don’t want anything on your back that can weigh you down for camp.” I tensed even more hearing her just say the word camp. She was right, I needed absolutely no extra stress in my life for my journey trying to get back onto the roster. 

     “You’re right Tobs. Besides, my skin is looking like a dried plum in here!” I quickly turned off the water and heard Tobin leave and I opened the shower curtain and stepped out. I threw on some dark grey nike sweats and an old UNC sweatshirt and walked out the door. Tobin was sitting on the bed watching HGTV obsessing over the current housing that was on “Fixer Upper.”

     “Come sit with me mi amiga!” She yelled, I grabbed a pillow off my bed, leaned it against the wall and plopped down next to her. 

     “You know, if you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to. I just don’t want it eating you up.” 

     “No, I gotta talk about it. I can’t keep ignoring it you know?”

     “Yeah, you can tell me, but you know you also need to tell Ali all of this too. You guys shouldn’t be ignoring and screwing each other around. It won’t be healthy for each other or our team.” Well shit. I don’t know how Tobin could go from the goofiest gal on the team, to hitting me with bricks with the truth.

     “I know. I know you’re right, I just don’t know what to expect. She told me before that we should be ‘okay’! What is that supposed to mean? It’s why I think she’s putting on a front. I don’t know and I know I keep saying that, but I don’t know anything, seriously.” I realized I needed to get some answers, and I needed them as soon as possible.

     “I mean I haven’t talked to her either so I’m not sure how she’s been outside of camp either. I mean we have the group chat but it’s easy to hide anything over text.”

     “Do you think I should talk to her tonight?”

     “I don’t think you should, I know you should. When we go down for dinner I won’t let you back in this room until you talk to her. So if you don’t you can have fun sleeping outside.”

     “Oh shut up Tobs!” I gave her a light shoved and we started to laugh.

     “I’m serious though, you should talk to her tonight. Try after dinner?”

     “Maybe, I don’t want to whole team to see.”

     “They understand though, just do it. Pull her aside, go on a walk. You love walks.”

     “Okay, you’re right. Wanna head down? Dinner starts anyway in 10 minutes.”

     “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

     Tobin and I grabbed Christen and Alex and headed downstairs into the large dining hall room the team ate in for every meal. We arrived early, but most of the team was already there… including her. I stuck around with my crew and I sat near them while Ali was a few seats away. Even when Ali did not talk loud, I could hear her voice over everyone’s else. She could whisper and I could still hear her, I guess it was some weird connection I had with her. I got up when the food arrived and slapped down two pieced of grilled chicken, some salad and veggies on my plate and headed back to my seat. The team dinner was filled with laughs, jokes and mostly making fun of each other from earlier today. A lot of people asked me how Germany was, and how I was adjusting back here with the time difference and everything. I told them basic answers, how I liked it, the training was good and everything was going well so far. From the corner of my eye I could see that Ali shot me a look. Maybe she was surprised that I said everything was going good for me. The team was basically the same team as it was last year, give or take a few players. Thankfully, Pinoe was finally back and she was the base of the team core. 

     As people finished their meals more and more people started to head back up to the rooms to get a good night of sleep. I was left with my closest friends and Ali, who shuffled down seats and now she was right across from me. Underneath the table Tobin kept nudging me, and although she did not say anything I knew exactly what she was saying. We were currently talking about the newest shoes Nike had us wearing when Tobin decided to get up, as I started to follow her she spoke up.

     “Hey Alex, Christen and HAO, I want to show you guys something can you come here.” I looked up, the only people she left out were Ali and I. Oh they definitely planned this.

     “Really, Tobin?” I asked out loud, with Ali darting her eyes right to me. Her eyes burned through me.

     “Really.” She replied back to me, got up and walked away with the three other girls. The awkwardness that was in the air stung me and I bet it stung Ali. I had to say something,

     “Hi, Ali.” 

     “Hi, Ash.” She replied after a few seconds of taking it in that this was our first moment together by ourselves since the day she left.

     “Wanna go take a walk and talk?” I asked Ali, who nodded back, so we got up, pushed our chairs in and walked out the front doors of the hotel on to the beach that lined the back yard of our hotel. This was either going to be the beginning of the end, or the start of a new road for us. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters are really exciting(even though some of y'all might get mad at what will happen) and I'm even almost done writing them out! Once again though, I'm in the middle of finals week so don't expect as quick as an update as what just happened these last two days. Thoughts and comments are appreciated, and once again thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi to anyone who read this! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I have an idea on where this is going to go, but it will definitely take some time. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! Thoughts/comments/anything is appreciated! Thank you for reading!


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